Grinchmas and Welcoming 2023 with Open Arms

So, I’m definitely feeling a little grinchy this year. I used to SHIT Christmas out the ass, and December 24th was my favorite day of the year. But.. the last few years have been rough. There are so many amazing things happening in my life, but there’s SO much of it that my level of anxiety is on overload and has flipped the depression switch on. The last month or so, I’ve been crying constantly, have felt down almost daily, and even reverted to having thoughts of the “S” word. It sucks. I wanna enjoy Christmas and everything that comes with it. I think a big part of it that I didn’t put together until recently was that my little brother hasn’t been home for Christmas since he moved. And it’s not the same without him. If I’m being honest, I’m bawling typing this knowing that he won’t be here again this year. I love that little fucker so so much. I’m trying though. I listen to Christmas music whenever I’m awake, I bought as many presents as I could possibly afford, and I wrapped anyone’s presents who would let me. I love family time, and my fingers are crossed for a great upcoming weekend.

On another note, in only 8 days, the love of my life and I will close on our very own home. Ringing in the new year strong! I know everyone’s general reaction has been one of much surprise. Maybe they stopped when they all realized that the papers have been signed, so they can’t do shit 🙂 While I can understand the initial disapproval, I’m glad it’s turned into support because I could not be happier. I know it’s been 9 months, but even through the midst of this depression episode, Andrew makes me feel things I didn’t think I could. He turns the bad days into bearable ones. He makes me laugh so hard, it hurts. He holds me when I try to run away. And he’s as obsessed with me as I am with him. We’ve found everything we’ve ever wanted in each other and are counting down to be able to build a home together. Things could be worse.