To The Boy Who Ruined Me

As for many of us, there was the one that got away. The “soulmate” you meet and things are so perfect that you can’t imagine anything better. It’s all fucking there. And then things come to an abrupt end. You’re left with more questions that you can’t ask because you won’t get an answer. You take every feeling that you’re feeling, personally. You find yourself wondering what you did wrong. How something so magical could have gone so wrong so quickly. It took 8 years for me to get my answers. I never expected them, but I’m glad I got them. Luckily, my story has a happy ending. No, I did not end up with him. I got something way better.

The boy who ruined me made me believe in love again. He made me realize that he was never the one, but the feelings that he made me feel were real. And I could find them again. And I did. At a time when it was the last thing I wanted, I fell into that kind of love. And when I say fell, I mean head first, down the hill, scraped up knees, can barely pick myself up off the ground kind of fall. It took all but six hours for me to realize that I never wanted to let him go. (Luckily, he felt the same way, or this would have been a super creepy story.)

I fell into the kind of love that you read about in storybooks. And watch in Nicholas Sparks movies. The bullshit that girls dream about. I got that bullshit. All of it. And it happened in an instant. And it’s only been a short time, but there’s no way to explain the level of happiness that this man makes me feel. How often do strangers stop at your table to tell you that you look really happy together? Or have waitresses tell you you’re gonna make it? Or have numerous friends tell you with tears in their eyes that they’ve never seen you so happy before?

After being genuinely ruined for years of my life, I know now there was a reason things weren’t meant to work out. And I’m glad they didn’t. After 20 years of searching for happiness, I found someone who not only gives me that, but pushes me to feel my own happiness every single day. He shoves positivity so far up my ass that I forget I have depression. He makes me look forward to tomorrow. He makes me wanna wake up in the morning.

He makes me realize I found what I’ve been looking for.