Yes, this is another song about depression. But, I promise if there’s ever one that’s worth reading, it’s this one. I was introduced to this song recently on a whim, then proceeded to listen to it on repeat for an excessive period of time. I’ll stop here and continue after the lyrics. (Song and lyrics by Fame on Fire)
Please, let it end, let it be over
I cannot stand being sober
I’m so fucked up, I got problems
Tell me right now, do you think time will solve them?
So much on my mind that I can’t think right
I need more drugs to feel alright
I can’t feel a thing, but that’s okay
Are you still there, can you take this away?
Just keep holding me
I can’t believe I’m hanging on
Pull me out of this, I’m over it
I don’t belong
No, I’m not dead yet
I’m losing myself to the darkness in my head
Suffocating
Getting hard to breathe, everything is caving in
I won’t let it
Keep weighing me down, but this isn’t how it ends
I’d regret it
No, I’m not dead yet
I would sleep forever if I could
Do you like that, ’cause I would
Can you not hold this over my head?
I have many faults, don’t remind me again
Tell me right now is this really what you wanted?
I don’t even care ’cause I’m laying at the bottom
Nothing left to give, all my options are exhausted
Yeah, I’m just trying
Tell me right now is this really what you wanted?
I don’t even care ’cause I’m laying at the bottom
Nothing left to give, all my options are exhausted
Yeah, I’m just trying to be honest
Tell me right now is this really what you wanted?
No, I’d regret it
Tell me right now is this really what you wanted
No, I’m not dead yet
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So. This song caught my eye (ears?) because there could not be a better one to depict how I’m feeling. And have been feeling. Particularly for the last few years. I feel like I’m caught in a battle between 1.) Understanding myself, accepting myself, and doing what I can to keep trying and 2.) Being shocked that I’m actually still here, knowing how weighed down I feel 24/7, and convincing myself that if I did “what I really wanted,” I would regret it.
Every single word and phrase in this song hits home. I could break down the whole thing, line by line, but I feel like those who know me can see right through it. I mentally go back and forth with this almost every day, and I’m still here because I haven’t given up.