Violated.. And about to be a mother

Switching gears from all that depression talk.. let’s talk about vaginas. Cause those are the best. You get to bleed uncontrollably every month AND shove a watermelon out of an inch wide opening because “it’s the miracle of life”. Psh. And people say men have it easy. They’re just jealous cause they don’t get to spend half their paycheck on tampons, heating pads, and comfort food every month. Haters.

Warning: The following content may contain graphic language that is not suitable for some male audiences.

I’ve been getting weird, random pains in my ovary. I figured I was still bleeding on schedule, but it’s hurt for a while now, so I went to the gyno to see what the fuck was up. The ultrasound bitch was super foreign, but Polish, and kept throwing in random Polish words when she spoke.. but also didn’t seem to realize that she could just speak normally because my name isn’t spelled naturally, so I’m obviously not American. She said a solid 2.5 sentences as she rubbed lube on my stomach, looking for a child, and then de-pantsing me before shoving a lubed penis camera up my hole. She mumbled here and there.. and then asked me if I was sexually active. Then kept focusing on one painful area and apologizing for having to take so many pictures. More mumbling and then asked me if I was on birth control. So I start freaking the fuck out. I’m here cause I have some sorta weird cramp so don’t you DARE find a fucking child lingering.

She finally stops and has me dress.. which most people leave the room for, but it’s fine.. I prefer to be watched while I wipe excess lube from all over my vag area. She gets on the computer and points to the chair next to her.. facing the other wall. She types for what seemed like 43 minutes then leads me to a room where the doctor will talk to me about my results. Um.. results? There should be no results. I’m supposed to be fine. See you for my annual Felicia. But no. So I’m sitting. A nurse comes in and starts asking shit like if I’ve ever been pregnant, if I’ve ever missed a period, when my last period was, etc. I get these are all common gyno questions. But the focus on pregnancy questions, at least in my mind at the moment, was overwhelming. In the 45 seconds between the nurse leaving and the doctor coming in, I tried to figure out how far along I could be, if abortion is even legal in IL anymore, who the father was (kiddingggg), and where the nearest bridge was. The doctor comes in and ask me how I’m doing. I told her to please not tell me that I’m growing a baby.

The bad news is that I’m about halfway into my first trimester. The good news is that it’s just an ovulating cyst thing that’s common in young women and will go away on its own in a few weeks. YAY.