This is what happens when you’re an overachiever and have absolutely ZERO to do. (Props to Funny Questions to Ask for what I stole.)
What sport would be the funniest to add a mandatory amount of alcohol to? Baseball. Maybe that way, it wouldn’t be the most boring sport in the world.
If your five-year-old self suddenly found themselves inhabiting your current body, what would your five-year-old self do first? Go back to my first Florida vacation and never leave.
What is something that everyone looks stupid doing? Talking into their wrist. Use a PHONE dumbass.
What could you wear on your head as a hat that would make people stop what they are doing and stare in awe and amazement? A cat. Like if you could get a really furry one to just wrap around your head and not jump off.
What inanimate object do you wish you could eliminate from existence? Social media.
What part of a kid’s movie completely scarred you? When Scar killed Mufasa.
If you were arrested with no explanation, what would your friends & family assume you had done? Drove drunk. Or just necessary speeding. They’d all know that if it was murder, I wouldn’t have gotten caught.
What set of items could you buy that would make the cashier the most uncomfortable? Years ago, I actually had a guy cashier at Walgreen’s when I went to buy Cheetos, tampons, tequila, and a pregnancy test. He said nothing, but I could see his wheels spinning.
What’s the best type of cheese? Probably habanero Havarti. But I think all cheese is love.
In one sentence, how would you sum up the internet? Don’t wanna live with it, but can’t live without it.
What would be the absolute worst name you could give your child? Gertrude.
What would the world be like if it was filled with male and female copies of you? SO much better than it is now.
What would be the worst thing for the government to make illegal? Tequila.
Which body part do you wish you could detach and why? My stomach flab.. because there’s really no beneficial reason for it to hang out down there.
What’s invisible but you wish people could see? Mental illness.
Where is the strangest place you’ve urinated or defecated? I feel like the side of the highway is a pretty common occurrence. I had severe diarrhea on a hiking trail once where I had to climb fully into the brush to pee out my ass and then wipe with a leaf. Enjoy that one.
What’s the weirdest smell you have ever smelled? A co-worker got some kinda cherry candies that smelled 100% like a box of Crayola. We walked around the office with it, and everyone confirmed.
If you were wrongfully put into an insane asylum, how would you convince them that you’re actually sane and not just pretending to be sane? They would see how much I belong there, and I’d be fucked.
Toilet paper, over or under? Over. And I love that this is always a debate.