No amount of words can express the amount of love and support creating a GoFund has brought me. In just a few days, I’ve made more than half my goal in donations. While that alone is incredible, what means even more is the domino effect that it had. I knew I was loved by a few people here and there, but I received genuine love from places it was completely unexpected.
I know this is like my 12th post about this, but I want it to be crystal clear. I’ve been struggling for so so long and always put it on myself to fix the problem. I felt it was on me, and it shouldn’t be anyone else’s. The second I finally asked for help, I got it. I made the post on Facebook, but began receiving donations from family that wouldn’t have had the access to see it. My dad, a man who is rare to express emotion and who I don’t believe ever fully understood the pain I’ve had to deal with and had little to no idea that I was having suicide thoughts on the regular, OFFERED to help me.. and handing out money is definitely not his strong suit. Not only that, but I felt like for the first time, something clicked for him. There’s people who have always been by my side through this, and they know who they are. They’ve supported me and pushed me and refused to let me stay at the bottom of my mountain. And those of you, I love more than anything in the world. But for those who came out of the shadows and not only accepted me for it, but offered encouragement, I thank from the deepest place in my heart.
My mom told me today how proud she is of me that I “finally came out of the closet”. I laughed, but I couldn’t have said it better myself. While I’ve still cried everyday for the last few days, it’s not because I just want it to all end. It’s because, for the first time in my entire life, I finally feel a sense of hope that I maybe might be okay.