After years of debate, I finally made a GoFundMe page today. I know that’s not exactly something trophy worthy. In fact, I’m pretty sure I have no self pride left. I hate even borrowing money – let alone asking for it. I hate when my parents try to pay me back for the $4 burger buns I grabbed on the way over. However, after getting another hospital bill that insurance didn’t exactly cover, I fucking couldn’t. Most GoFund pages are for medical funds: support for cancer patients, help for a family struggling with a sick child. Most people’s reactions to me creating one were “Well, what are people are gonna think? You’re gonna have to really open up. It’s like begging., etc.”
My argument for that is simple: depression is just as much of an illness as diabetes or cancer. You take insulin for diabetes, chemotherapy for cancer, and medication for depression. The good news is that a LOT of people get through their entire life with diabetes, and (luckily!!) many make it through cancer. While many people with depression can lead normal lives and die of old age like the rest of us, there’s also a huge chunk that takes their own life BECAUSE they can’t deal with the illness anymore.
On the financial side, people don’t realize how much money is spent by a depressive. Correction: by a depressive who is taking every step in the fucking book to better their life. Luckily, my medication is covered by insurance. But having been taking it for 12 years, it’s added up a little bit. Then there’s therapy.. which is, by far, the most helpful way of getting to an “okay” place. Depending on co-pays.. or even insurance coverage, that’s $100/month on the low end. Also something I’ve been doing for about 10 years. Then the treatments come in – most of which are barely covered by insurance because, lucky for me, mental health falls under a separate category of “not really medical” shit. The two I’m paying off currently are TMS and Rogers. TMS (Trans cranial magnetic stimulation) had me in a chair everyday for 6 weeks, shooting electricity into the fucked up part of my brain – $11K later, and I’m in the 20% that “it doesn’t work on”. Rogers Behavioral Hospital was the greatest thing I ever did. I was in their Intensive Outpatient Program and then the Partial Hospitalization Program for two months. It helped more than I imagined it would, but even after insurance, I ended up having to pay close to $6K out of pocket. The thing is, I would LOVE to go back, but there’s just no way. So I’m trucking along the best I can and making sure I don’t go into collections so I can keep my excellent credit.
I’m already drowning in my own misery. I don’t want depression to drown me financially too. And so I’m DAMN proud of myself for taking yet another step in a direction to help myself without giving a single FUCK what other people are gonna think about it 🙂 That said, see below. And help a sista out.