That’s the mood I’m in today. You know how humans are said to have 60,000 thoughts a day? Or something like that. I feel like I’m probably closer to about a million. So much random shit goes through my head ALL DAY that it’s really no surprise that I’m so mentally fucked up. Here’s just a handful of what’s flowed through my neurons at some point in the last 24 hours:
Why does a place where you need to brush off your car for 14 minutes even EXIST?
If you take up 3 seats on the train, you should be paying a lot more than I do. Because now I have to stand, and I’m staring at you to make you uncomfortable.
I should write a book.
Can my co-worker smell my feet from under my desk through to his side?
Why do men get to wear ponytails, but women still have to pretend they don’t fart?
I’m so bad with children that when I offer family members a free babysitting offer for a Saturday night, they say no.
I haven’t seen a single episode of This is Us, Game of Thrones, American Horror Story, or The Walking Dead.
I wonder if the 7-11 downstairs has the baby bag of Hot Cheetos.
I wish more people appreciated my honesty instead of thinking I’m just a cunt for fun.
My hair is almost fully back to my awful natural color. But I can’t afford my highlights right now. So I’m stuck being gross.
I’m pretty sure everyone has had like a stalking phase at some point in their life.
This was supposed to be Patron, but I’m pretty sure it’s not even tequila. But it was probably $12, so I should drink it anyway.
J.J. Watt is such a fucking babe.
Ellen DeGeneres can never ever die because I die a little on the inside when the show ends and I have to wait until tomorrow.
Why am I completely exhausted by 7 pm?
My clean laundry’s been sitting in the basket for a full day. And going on two. Which means I’ll have to throw everything back in the dryer so I don’t have to iron it.
I need to find Claire Crosby and kidnap her.