Hey girl heyy

First things first.. “Hey girl heyy” was my Tinder pickup line. Pathetic, but it worked. Every time. Apparently, everyone “loved my sense of humor”. If that’s all it takes, you need to up your standards, dude.

Anyways. I decided to start this blog on a whim. Or because my “Words with Friends” wasn’t loading underground, and I saw someone with better cell service reading a blog. That’s kind of a lie. But the idea did come to me as I waited for Words to load, and I was underground. Really though.. I just miss writing. I always had one of those Lisa Frank diaries that had a lock on it, as if my 12 year old ass had something to hide. I wrote short stories about the Titanic for the grade school newspaper. I had a poem published in a book that’s somewhere in the White House. Weird random shit.

Everyone I brought this blog up to had the same reaction: Why? (Insert laughing emoji here.) What about? Are you gonna make it public? I’m guessing they were probably concerned that 95% of what comes out of my mouth should be kept to myself in the first place, let alone be posted anywhere for the world to see. Unfortunately, they’re right. I really am an asshole. But I’m an opinionated asshole, and I have important things to say. Also, not to toot my own horn, but I’m hilarious.

Unfortunately, I will have to maintain some sort of filter, which severely blows, but I would lose my job. Like in a heartbeat.. which wouldn’t be super terrible because then I can go do like a Mila Kunis in Forgetting Sarah Marshall and live happily ever after on a beach. But I have bills. So many bills.

Grandma’s getting tired. Holla 🙂