See what I did there.. worked real hard on that title. I wanted to blog about this because I generally have in the past when I try something new for my depression, so I didn’t wanna discriminate. My friend volunteers for a group where they raise money for veterans to be able to afford a Read More
Grinchmas and Welcoming 2023 with Open Arms
So, I’m definitely feeling a little grinchy this year. I used to SHIT Christmas out the ass, and December 24th was my favorite day of the year. But.. the last few years have been rough. There are so many amazing things happening in my life, but there’s SO much of it that my level of Read More
Blah Blah Blah
I had like, a good day today, so it kinda made me feel like writing. I wasn’t even in the mood to watch tv, which is rare, but I felt like I should continue to be productive. Shout out to my man Chris Columbo and the Indigenous Peoples for giving me the day off. It’s Read More
To The Boy Who Ruined Me
As for many of us, there was the one that got away. The “soulmate” you meet and things are so perfect that you can’t imagine anything better. It’s all fucking there. And then things come to an abrupt end. You’re left with more questions that you can’t ask because you won’t get an answer. You Read More
Not dead yet
Yes, this is another song about depression. But, I promise if there’s ever one that’s worth reading, it’s this one. I was introduced to this song recently on a whim, then proceeded to listen to it on repeat for an excessive period of time. I’ll stop here and continue after the lyrics. (Song and lyrics Read More
Road to Gatlinburg: Part 3
Day 3 (continued): On Tuesday, I made the hike up Laurel Falls Trail. It was only a three mile hike, but I wanted my incredibly out of shape ass to start with something slow. The hike up was pretty, but nothing crazy special. It was calming, yet filled with people carrying babies, grandparents, and definitely Read More
Road to Gatlinburg: Part 2
Day 1: It’s Sunday at 5:26 a.m., and I am leaving my casa. Stopping for windshield wiper fluid like my father asked me to, Dunkin’, then peace out Chitown. It feels weird to be going away alone for a week, especially to a place that’s not Florida, and I felt myself tearing up a couple Read More
Road to Gatlinburg: Part I
This story begins where Rogers ends. Once my treatment ended, I very quickly realized that I was not yet healed (shocker), but was also having an incredibly hard time adjusting to day to day life. While I’m grateful for having done it, it kinda felt like the program didn’t do very much this time around Read More
2021 in 2020 form
Welcome everyone. I told myself I’d come back to writing, which I clearly seem to tell myself often due to the time lapses in each post.. but this time, I was basically peer pressured into it, and this is going to take a lot in me to do, but I wanted to get something down. Read More
A Week (and a half) in the Life
Every time I log back into this site, and I read the post I wrote just prior to the one I’m about to write, it’s absolutely comical. One of my doctors has me take note of how I’m feeling between appointments, so I write everything down because it all just blends together. After being baffled Read More
That’s a Good Day
Being severely depressed means that my good day is a most likely a complete 180 than what yours is. The days I don’t have a single suicidal thought.. that’s a good day. Unlike “normal” people, not wanting to kill myself is an accomplishment. This took me about a month to put together because the good Read More
Oh, she’s sweet, but a psycho
I said I would write because I was informed I hadn’t blabbed in a while, so I am. It’s been months, per my usual trend of on and off; and again, I’m not sure where to start. I read my previous post before I started this one, and holy fuck, how much has changed. I Read More
Gratitude
Hear ye, hear ye. This is ACTUALLY going to be a happy post. I was laying in acupuncture this morning and started thinking about how fucking lucky I am to have the support system I do. My parents are incredible. My mom has always been my biggest supporter. She tried for years to come up Read More
Can’t read my, can’t read my, no, you can’t read my poker face
I don’t even like Lady Gaga. I don’t wanna say it’s half the battle, but definitely a good chunk of dealing with mental illness is maintaining a poker face. Granted, I’ve become a lot more open about my shit in the last few months and willing to talk to anyone that wants advice or help.. Read More
Sorry not sorry
As far as I’m concerned, I’ve never been a selfish person. I have countless memories going back decades of always putting my family first, other’s feelings before my own, my sibling’s happiness at Christmas before my finances, and parents worries always being my own. And if there’s one thing I can vouch for, it’s that Read More
Losing My Wujek Romek
Death is the one thing in life that is absolutely guaranteed, yet it’s the one thing that no one’s figured out how to prepare for. I know this is a miserable as fuck post. But I’ve been bawling all morning and had to come out. I found out a few hours ago that my uncle Read More
That Day Your Pre-Teen Dreams Come True
So this last Friday, all (at least the majority) of my 13-year-old dreams came true. Put yourself into the shoes of a girl in the year 2002. Then put that girl in the front row of a stage with Lance Bass, Aaron Carter, and Ryan Cabrera on it. (And O-Town and Tyler Hinton, but eh). Read More
You’re right on time.
“New York is 3 hours ahead of California, but that doesn’t make California slow. Someone graduated at the age of 22, but waited 5 years before securing a good job. Someone became a CEO at 25 and died at 50, while another became a CEO at 50 and lived to 90. Obama retired at 55, Read More
Zero to sixty.
[Just sitting here, I feel like I’m going 100 mph.. so much so that I’m not really sure where to start. Can you get writer’s block with feelings? That’s probably what this is.] So that part above.. I wrote last night after therapy. I decided to come home, NOT make a drink, and just write.. Read More
#prayforDemi
The last few months have been INSANE. Between moving and having every fucking weekend in between booked with shit, I’ve had no time to breathe, let alone write. Yesterday, however, deserves a post. Or I just need to vent. Hearing the news that Demi was taken to the hospital for a drug overdose more than Read More
Life Update: Moving (again) and Bucket Listing
It’s been a little bit since I’ve written anything, so I’m gonna try to mash all this shit into one with a lot less detail. Kind of. I’m in the mood to write, but I also don’t have the time right now so it’ll just sound like word vomit. First things first, I swam with Read More
Traffic, Baby Bro, and Becoming Homeless
I realized I have so many thoughts driving and Siri sucks at translating.. So by the time I sit down to write this, most of the good stuff is gone. Which I guess is better or I’d be writing every hour. Anyways. Traffic. It’s a thing everywhere, but in Chicago, it’s a thing all day. Read More
The Oxymoron that is High Functioning Depression
So this kinda started with me taking off work today. I get sick days, and my inability to get up, crying through trying to repeatedly do my makeup, and then realizing I can’t get out of bed today.. is an illness. It wasn’t until a co-worker made a comment that made everything I had been Read More
Mood.
When you didn’t worry about your parents getting older.. just hated them for making you put away your shit When you were too young to know what depression was and how fucking hard it was about to come at you When days on the beach wasn’t something you needed to save up vacation days for Read More
Going Green, Eyebrows, and How to Get Away with Murder
Bitch on train: Omg I haven’t seen a water bottle in so long! Me: *confusingly points to the guy next to me.. drinking water* isn’t that a water bottle? Bitch: Oh no, that’s a Yeti.. they’re better because you’re not using all that plastic. Me: Is the clear shit holding your Starbucks drink not plastic? Read More
Needled 24/7
I really don’t expect anyone to get that Children of Bodom reference because most of the people I know have horrific taste in music, buttttt it was a perfect segue into acupuncture. After that whole GoFund thing, my parents offered to send me back to acupuncture. My mom found this dude ages ago when she Read More
Blue Bloods & The Pre-Netflix Era
About a month ago, my sister introduced me to Blue Bloods. Seasons 1-7 were on Netflix, and season 8 is currently airing. Naturally, I immediately finished all 8 seasons. After season 7 ended, I started to get heart palpitations because season 8 wasn’t on Netflix, and OnDemand had like 3 random episodes. Luckily, Amazon Prime Read More
“I go to Ameeeeeerica!”
I recently took part in a conversation about frugal Polaks and realized that I haven’t yet covered how my entire family of 74 adults and 2 children (I used to be special before everyone started going at it and now I have a thousand cousins) got to ‘Merica. Before I go any further – yes, Read More
Violated.. And about to be a mother
Switching gears from all that depression talk.. let’s talk about vaginas. Cause those are the best. You get to bleed uncontrollably every month AND shove a watermelon out of an inch wide opening because “it’s the miracle of life”. Psh. And people say men have it easy. They’re just jealous cause they don’t get to Read More
Now I’m a Warrior
As a follow-up to my last post, I did end up going to Demi on Friday night – and I couldn’t be more glad that I did. I was hoping for a little bit of inspiration, and I knew my girl would come through. The show was BEYOND incredible. Her voice never fails and her Read More
Little Bit of a Mindfuck
This blog wasn’t supposed to be all about depression, but when I look back, I realize that at least half, if not more, of my posts are somehow related to it. When I said it didn’t define me as a person but played a role in my daily life, I guess that’s exactly what I Read More
Update: GoFundMe Pride
No amount of words can express the amount of love and support creating a GoFund has brought me. In just a few days, I’ve made more than half my goal in donations. While that alone is incredible, what means even more is the domino effect that it had. I knew I was loved by a Read More
GoFundMe Pride
After years of debate, I finally made a GoFundMe page today. I know that’s not exactly something trophy worthy. In fact, I’m pretty sure I have no self pride left. I hate even borrowing money – let alone asking for it. I hate when my parents try to pay me back for the $4 burger Read More
Every Question You Ever Wanted to Ask: Answered
This is what happens when you’re an overachiever and have absolutely ZERO to do. (Props to Funny Questions to Ask for what I stole.) What sport would be the funniest to add a mandatory amount of alcohol to? Baseball. Maybe that way, it wouldn’t be the most boring sport in the world. If your five-year-old self suddenly found Read More
Do you like Green Eggs and Ham?
That’s the mood I’m in today. You know how humans are said to have 60,000 thoughts a day? Or something like that. I feel like I’m probably closer to about a million. So much random shit goes through my head ALL DAY that it’s really no surprise that I’m so mentally fucked up. Here’s just Read More
Not so Super Bowl Sunday
Every year this weekend rolls around, I slowly lose my ability to function. To many, Super Bowl Sunday is one of the most celebrated days of the year. To me, it’s just the day I lost my best friend. I don’t mean to sound morbid, but there’s really no other way to describe it. I’ve mentioned Read More
The Abandoned Dog, Two Fish, and a Cat Idea
I’m aware the post title sounds like a Dr. Seuss book, but it’ll all come together. Promise. I’m at that age where every family gathering starts with “Are you thinking about marriage? Kids?”, and every other Facebook post is an engagement shoot or babies arranged adorably in a basket to create the illusion that they’re Read More
Cat Videos are to you what Ellen DeGeneres is to me
Right now, I feel like I’ve been just swimming in anxiety all day. I stayed home from work and moved from my bed to my couch. When I couldn’t hold it anymore, I got up to pee. And watched Making a Murderer again because I’ve seen everything else worth watching on Netflix. Then I had Read More
All this politically incorrect bullshit..
When I came up with the idea for this blog, I was super pumped to start it up. I LOVE writing, and I missed it. I’ve also gotten an oddly large amount of commentary about how hilarious my Facebook posts are.. so I was like okay I got this. Designing the page and being able Read More
Florida: The Long Version
Tomorrow morning, I get to board a plane and 2 hours later, land in the most heavenly of all heavens: Floridaaaaa! Although my amiga and I have just a few short days to soak up the beauty, it’s a few less that I have to spend in Chicago 🙂 So I guess now would probably Read More
The Living Room.. & some of Johnny Toews
Today started off as the shittiest fucking day of all days. Similar to how last night ended. It’s just been a shit week. So I got done early with work since I started before the rooster crowed and made it to this incredible little place called The Living Room at the Turning Point. I’ll spare Read More
Things People with Depression Want You to Know
I remember, way back, when I started to slowly understand what the fuck was wrong with me. The days of not wanting to leave my room, let alone my bed, were ones I had been familiar with forever, but was too young to know it was anything more than just the hormones of growing up. Read More
This Little Light of Mine
Taking a moment away from my usual bitching self, I wanted to put the spotlight on one of my friends. I won’t use her name.. for her own protection, of course. I’ve known this girl for going on 15 years now, and I’m not sure I’d be here without her. To say she’s been through Read More
Bye Bye Bye 2017
I’ve never really been big on New Years – I don’t really think having to buy a new calendar or the fact that all my reports will now say 18 instead of 17 is anything to celebrate. I also hate dressing up because I’m barely a woman. Nor do I really wanna put in the Read More
Dashing through the snow – FL style
This story came back to me as I was walking to the train this morning – allow me to explain. When my best friend in Florida, Brian, passed away, his funeral was in central Illinois, where he was from. His friend, Brandon, and his fiancee came up from Florida, never having been to the North Read More
A semi quick Fuck You to my ancestors
Aside from the first years in the motherland and then a few years on the beach, I’ve spent my entire life in and around Chicago. Every year this frozen tundra comes around, 9/10 residents, including myself, mother fuck the earth as if they haven’t gotten hypothermia every year for the last 20 years. So I’d Read More
Hey girl heyy
First things first.. “Hey girl heyy” was my Tinder pickup line. Pathetic, but it worked. Every time. Apparently, everyone “loved my sense of humor”. If that’s all it takes, you need to up your standards, dude. Anyways. I decided to start this blog on a whim. Or because my “Words with Friends” wasn’t loading underground, Read More